@jonnysun: ten years ago we had Jason Shoes, Carl Shirt and Daniel Problem. now we have no shoes no shirt no problem welcom to dennys what can i get u
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@GrantTanaka: Hey kids, for Halloween, let’s go to a spooooky place full of scaaaary, oppressive people & a guy who riiiises from the dead! Kids: Church?
@GrantTanaka: this one time, I was able to rob a bank armed with nothing but a notebook filled with poetry I wrote in the 8th grade
@lmwortho: I'm going to adopt a tapeworm. Perfect pet, cheap to feed, doesn't pee, bark, chew stuff or sit on your head. Best bit, it makes you skinny.
@iwearaonesie: wife: Why was that guy yelling at you? [flashback to me ignoring the "one per customer" sign] me [with a mouthful of cheese samples] No idea