@Fickle_Filly: Terminate an unwanted conversation with someone you haven't seen for years with the words, "Wow. You've aged badly..."
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@aparnapkin: Have you ever heard someone honking so aggressively & for so long that you're like "this was never about the traffic, was it, buddy?"
@shesananteater: Boss: Where'd you go?? Me: I got all the way up front and realized I forgot my pen. Boss: Okay? Me: So I went to lunch.
@Edie_Is_Dead: Watch as i slowly pull my shirt up over - wait, stuck in the too-small neckhole...struggling... Okay, dont watch.