@Parentpains: Apparently "I'll break your god damn legs" isn't the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.

@Mr_Kapowski: A coworker sent me an instant message mistakenly typing "The cloak stopped working" to which I responded "OMG you can see me?!"

@KalvinMacleod: ME: ur more likely to get hit by lightning than eaten by a shark SHARK: [biting my torso] today's your lucky day ME: *gets hit by lightning*

@garbagecoven: *voluntarily spends hours on the internet daily* neato *friend sends 5-min video to watch* do i look like im made of free time or something

@iwearaonesie: *wanders around an office I don’t work at because someone held the door open for me when I was walking by and I didn’t want to be rude*