@The_MartiniGirl: Getting caught under your desk and coming up with nothing in your hand is always so hard to explain.

@omgthatspunny: i love pizza

@weinerdog4life: I lost my thumb in a serious movie rating accident.

@carlyken: Met a cute guy at the gym we like all the same movies and he loved my shoes. We have a movie date tonight and he's bringing his boyfriend.

@TheHyyyype: My wife always tells me not to take things personally, so I hired a guy to do it for me. He already stole a bike.