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@Ivsy01: Text: ARE YOU ALIVE? Me: Why?
@jimmyfallon: My cousin told everyone he could do a backflip. We all gathered around him. He said, “I can’t do it if you’re watching.” #MyFamilyIsWeird
@themiltron: i hate the outside
i kinda miss it now
"Describe yourself in three words."
Me: responds poorly to authority
@mrjohndarby: Parole officer: Come in and take a seat
[me, finishing a jail term for stealing chairs] *starts sweating*
@Scott_A_Gilmore: Today's lunch: Pan fried pork chops, cheesy hash brown casserole, peach cobbler, a quick defibrillation and two stents.