@rickolantern: Text is the perfect way of saying I have some information I need to give you but I in no way shape or form want to hear your voice
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@kDuncanG: my accountant: look at ur currently monthly budget: · RENT: $800 · GAS: $200 · CHEEZ-ITS: $2,750 me: ur right, i need a cheaper place.
@FrenulumBreve: PIGEON MAGICIAN: I want you to pick a car, any car...DONT TELL ME!. Ok [shits on windscreen] is THIS the car you chose?
@Bexdora: Meet Brian, my monkey butler. He's gonna help out around the office. *Monkey flinging office equipment out the window* Brian hates clutter.
@GrantTanaka: [calls home] son: hello me: hi, put mom on the phone son: I can't me: why son: she's too heavy