@rickolantern: Text is the perfect way of saying I have some information I need to give you but I in no way shape or form want to hear your voice
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@sofarrsogud: It's like my pet hippo doesn't even realise it's my pet. DOCTOR: Please be quiet while I stitch up your face.
@KeetPotato: dude at house party: "anybody here wanna bone?" girl: "ew" girl 2: "no way" girl 3: "never" dog: "i am very interested in your offer"
@Elizasoul80: My 7 year old has been asking a lot of questions this Christmas season and I'm worried that it might be the last year he believes that Bitcoin is real.
@djdarrellripley: Him: I'd be happy to (using finger quotes) screen the applicants. Me: I'd be happy to (using finger quotes) testify in the harassment suit.