@jake_lach: I need to lay off the caffeine. My neighbor keeps complaining that I'm tackling her much more than usual
@BuckyIsotope: ME AT GYM: mind if I work in?
GUY STANDING AT URINAL: what
@flashember: [War of 1812]
American: Let's invade the British North.
Other American: Upper or Lower Canada?
A: idgaf
LATER:
@AthenaMystique: Dear Google Maps,
Don't insult me by telling me to head "southwest". If I knew where southwest was, I wouldn't be using you.
Kthnxbye
@Brianhopecomedy: Looks like my wife snuck a love note into my pocket which is pretty cute, although I don't know what "DNR" means.
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