@GreenishDuck: Text your dad "egg salad sandwich" four times in one day. He'll probably think his phone is broken.
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@amazymay72x: 13yo: Mom, I need 3 current issues happening in the neighborhood. Me: How abo- 11yo: WEAK WIFI, BUFFERING, BAD DATA PLAN! ..shoot me now.
@P1ssed_K1d: You know what a cubicle basically says? It says 'We don't think you're smart enough for an office,but we don't want you to look at anybody.'
@lachlan: Lincoln and Twilight opening the same weekend? Once again, Abe gets killed in a theater, and he's already fought vampires once this year.