@GreenishDuck: Text your dad "egg salad sandwich" four times in one day. He'll probably think his phone is broken.
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@UncleDuke1969: Wife: It's time for a vacation. Me: Where do YOU want to go? Wife: Hmm... Maybe the Bahamas? Me: Great idea! And, I'LL go camping upstate!
@BradBroaddus: ME: I want to take long walks with you. HER: Aww...are you a romantic? ME: No, I don't have a car.
@papasuncle: My wife just opened a bottle of wine so my chances of getting laid just went from 0 to 750ml.