@mistakentweets: Texting...because men didn't have a hard enough time understanding women before so we had to take away the ability to convey tone.
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@KindOfASmartass: It really annoys me when people who barely know you want to become Facebook friends, like an old classmate or someone you've slept with
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: this year, can you put the santa presents out for the kids christmas morning? GUY WHO NEVER FOUND OUT SANTA CLAUS ISN'T REAL: what
@iamspacegirl: FISHING TRIP Joseph *casting his line*: Son, your mother thinks it's time I tell you- You're agodpted. Jesus *runs across the lake crying*