@_davidlucas_: Texting drivers running over texting pedestrians: a modern day zombie apocalypse.
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@Rollinintheseat: Donald Trump always looks like he's trying to apply lip gloss in a rear view mirror.
@ChaseMit: America's national mascot should just be a drunk white girl typing on a shattered iPhone.
@GrantTanaka: It's important for me to teach my kids to be independent & self-reliant, cause I won't be around forever, especially if I win the lottery.
@murrman5: Look, you invented bread and I invented knives. Let's combine forces and we could be the best thing since...well we'll think of that later.