@stanleybehrman: Texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel, and misinterpret what other people mean.
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@YourKyness: Some guy commented on my all-black outfit today: "So whose funeral is it?" I told him I haven decided yet.
@Underchilde: The fastest way to get to the front of the line at Starbucks is just to tell everyone you saw Adele outside.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Not saying you're shady but there is a family of squirrels gathered around your ankles.