@stanleybehrman: Texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel, and misinterpret what other people mean.
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@wittwitbarista: I just saw a woman push 5 little kids in a shopping cart out of Walmart. I didn't realize that you could get them in bulk now.
@mattr_in_nc: Contrary to popular belief, tigers do not holler if you catch them by the toe. Also, could someone call an ambulance?
@thats_a_morey: What's that movie about the girl who forgets Adam Sandler every day? I want to know her secret
@Celestinelea90: Her: You know when you're craving a cheeseburger but you order a salad instead... Me: (wiping ketchup off my face with my sleeve) No.