@NickSwardson: Thank god 4 the guy at the bar yelling "YOU GOTTA CATCH THAT!!!" when a receiver drops the ball. Had no idea he was supposed to catch it.
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@AtypicalMama: H:"Where'd you get those shoes?" Me:"I've had these for years. Is that a new grill I saw?" H:"Nope just cleaned the old one" *Marriage lies
@KalvinMacleod: POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: is this the man who robbed u *holds up picture of himself* ME: yes POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: give me ur wallet ME: dang it
@ClichedOut: They say 1 out of every 5 humans is Chinese. Out of me and my 4 siblings, I'm pretty sure it's either Carl or Liu Yang.
@Owl_Meat: [In a cucumber submarine] 1st mate: *inspecting leak* we're taking on saltwater captain Cptn: hm yes looks like we're in quite the pickle