@kylekinane: Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we'd still be talking about how we're not finding that airplane.
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@DurtMcHurtt: [first day as a pharmacist] CUSTOMER: the antacid I took isn't working. ME: *leans in close* that's cuz you're not an ant..
@KalvinMacleod: A recent study states that people should only shower every 3-4 days. “Stop being an idiot,” said one wife who lives in my house.
@MiddleageM: Him:Wow you came back from your run in record time... Me:It's amazing how fast you can go if you imagine your mother is chasing you...