@TheTweetOfGod: Thank Satan it's Monday.
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@somelightcrying: [Rips bong] Each Disney Princess represents a deadly sin! Jasmine, Greed. Mulan, Pride. Ariel, Envy. "Snow White?" Um. [Rips bong] Vegan.
@hgracestewart: It's been scientifically proven that women who worry are smart. I must be a freaking genius.
@Sarcasticsapien: I'm pretty sure that the guy who wrote about the Apocalypse was a meteorologist.
@slimmy_shady: When I have a daughter I'm naming her Leroy. No guy will ever say "Yo bro I hooked up with Leroy last night" how would that sound?