@TheTweetOfGod: Thank Satan it's Monday.
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@DannyZuker: Daughter is acting so rude I'm not sure she's even mine. Think my wife may have cheated on me with YouTube's comments section.
@WilliamRodgers: My daughter does this thing where she copies EVERYTHING the dog does; Bark, beg, fetch etc. It was adorable! Until the dog humped the couch
@PaperWash: [1st date] date: ...you said you had abs me: [squints] everyone has abdominal muscles, Susan