@jackiembouvier: Thank you, baby Jesus for helping my favorite sports team instead of saving people from a tsunami. You must really love baseball.
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@WheelTod: "Dad?" "Yes, son?" "Where do Cowboys come from?" "Well, son. When a cow and a boy love each other very, very much..."
@chuuew: 911: What's you're emergency? ME: You mean "your"? 911: OK. So..? ME: Someone's murdering me 911: You mean "murdered" ME:.. 911: [dial tone]
@samfromks: Nice try Jehovah's Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to come to my door.
@TheCatWhisprer: Based on her reaction I don't think my toddler will ever forgive me for gently wiping her face.