@DannyZuker: Thank you for saying, "I'm just being honest" after that horrible thing you just said. I feel better now that I know you meant it.
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@longwall26: Next time a job interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years, say "Why TELL you when I can SHOW you?" then just sit there for 5 years.
@david8hughes: God: done? Noah: yea G: whats this Noah proudly: a swing set G: u built a park. I asked for an ark N: a what? G: a boat N: say boat then
@sofarrsogud: WIFE: Hurry up or we'll get caught in the rain. ME: [sipping a pina colada] I would like that.
@WilliamAder: Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."