@msdanifernandez: Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
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@jonnysun: gettin prety good at makin baloon animals, so far i can make: - a snake - worm - eel - dog, hot - 2 snakes
@daemonic3: Barista: "Welcome to Starbucks!" Me: "Large coffee please." B: "It's venti!" Me: "Then close all the windows after you get my large coffee."
@AbbieEvansXO: THERAPIST: tell me about your childhood THE PREDATOR FROM ALIEN VS PREDATOR: well, when I was a child predator... THERAPIST: ok, first let’s talk about phrasing
@Cheeseboy22: Saved my gall bladder in a jar so when they ask me at the DMV if I want to be an organ donor, I can put it on the counter and say, "YES!"