@weinerdog4life: Thank you to whoever has been keeping Keanu Reeves busy with a laser pointer for the last 10 years.
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@thenatewolf: *A coyote bites my leg in front of a girl I like but I wanna seem cool so I just keep walking and take it with me*
@WhatsHerFace33: "Operator, run this licence plate please Echo Alpha Tango Alpha Delta India Charlie Kilo" - Me, if I was a cop on the day I got fired.
@TheMichaelRock: I think we should line up all the presidential candidates and see which one a dog doesn't bark at. That person should become president.