@vapidaccount: Thanks autocorrect...clearly "I am fantasy" is a better answer than "fantastic" when asked how I'm doing...
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@KalvinMacleod: [buying a USB cord at Best Buy] that'll be $29.99 [buying a USB cord off Amazon] here, take 5 cords for $4.99 and I'll throw in a free horse
@Jerrypleasure: Elon Musk: *launches car into space* Me: why don't you do something for economically poor class Elon Musk: *launches bicycle into space*
@andrewdrafts: If I say "Bloody Mary" three times in the mirror in the dark I get a free drink, right?
@thrill713: If your kids are playing and it gets totally quiet, then you hear one say "you're okay, you're okay," they are definitely NOT okay.