@vapidaccount: Thanks autocorrect...clearly "I am fantasy" is a better answer than "fantastic" when asked how I'm doing...
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@iwearaonesie: wife:Gotta go. You guys gonna be ok? me [making my Pop-Tart pop out of the toaster and trying to catch it] Come on! wife:9, you're in charge
@MrBigFists: Just once I would like to hear an athlete thank God for their talent and their pharmacist for everything God left out.
@thetits: [texting] ME: I like you, I think you're cute MY CRUSH: oh um ME: HAHAHA omg my dog was chewing on my phone lol how did he type that
@LurkAtHomeMom: Therapist: U need some tools to cope with ur anger Me: Like a sledgehammer? T: No. More like breathing- M: Fire? Can u make me breathe fire?