@jackiembouvier: Thanks, baby Jesus, for helping me get that new job instead of helping millions of children find water and food. I know it was a tough call.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@dafloydsta: [job interview] "What's your greatest weakness?" I'm always hungry "That's not what I-" *takes out a cake* Also, I don't like to share
@KKAlThani: Accidentally ran over my neighbor's cat today & I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying "curiosity was here"
@cornax: The IBS drug commercial that mentions "urgent diarrhea" implies there's also a laid back, non-urgent form of diarrhea that I've never had.
@TheTweetOfGod: What a tense, tense day 4/19 was. Maybe tomorrow, somehow, will be a little mellower.