@iwearaonesie: "Thanks for saving my life" said no toddler ever
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@spcycucumber: Its not what it looks like officer! "you were driving down the highway taking selfies singing n'sync" Ok I guess it was what it looked like
@WildeThingy: *Panda walks into shop, "A packet of nuts please." Assistant: "pandas don't eat nuts." -"dammit" panda suit opens and 36 squirrels run off.
@AmishPornStar1: Of course morning sex is better. You haven't spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
@desusnice: someone using bare hands to put salad on a plate is letting you know they're not here for discussions about etiquette or anything really