@SCbchbum: Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don't have a moon where I live.
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@chelliet22: Winter. When trees are bare, and you can see into your neighbor's yard, and omg, that's Mrs. Hood's body he's putting into their fire pit!
@dreamthievin: People who bend down to pick up a thread instead of running over it with the vacuum 37 times, what's it like to exercise?
@jonnysun: INTERVIEWER: thank u, those are all my questions. do u hav any questions for us ME: yes…why do i want this job INTERVIEWER: [starts sweatig]
@BrettDruck: Yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work because the dog just goes "Cool, now we're both barking!"