@SCbchbum: Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don't have a moon where I live.
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@NicestHippo: You're an adult now. Stop lying about your life on Facebook and start doing it on LinkedIn
@dshack8: My kids can't hear the dog barking for 15mins to come back inside but they can hear me bite into a Pop-Tart from 3 counties away.
@LeBearGirdle: Doctor: I'm sorry son, it appears you have... Jenga-itis Me: [trying to pull the doctor's shoes off without him falling over] is it bad?
@Matt_the_1st: It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim