@JohnLyonTweets: Thanks for telling me this is your "pet cat" because otherwise I might have thought it was your business associate cat.
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@Donna_McCoy: Not to brag, but according to my husband I can help with any home improvement project by getting the hell out of the way.
@imchriskelly: I have complicated opinions on the death penalty. I think it’s wrong but I also think that owners of cash-only establishments should get it.
@onelongbender: Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.
@gojarbe: [wedding] i wrote my own vows *removes paper* "chickety china the chinese chicken" whoops wrong one *2nd paper* "if i had $1,000,000"