@RandiLawson: Thanks for telling me your astrological sign, cause now I know a lot about your personality. Like you are a gullible dummy.
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@SideOfWine: Just as bugs are drawn to bright lights, so are my toes drawn inexplicably to hard objects.
@bidenandobama: Biden: why can't I log into my twitter what's everyone talking about today Obama:
@didifalldown: [Robot Uprising] Human: Oh no a robot! What kind are you? Robot: I am a counting machine Human: Oh thank g— Robot: Now killing human #53822
@kibblesmith: Nice try "Marco Rubio" — or should I say... [rearranges letters] "BIRAC UBOMA" [audience gasps]