@GaryJanetti: Thanks for the holiday photo! I can't believe your little girls are already unhappy, overweight teenagers!
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@kjmeow: "FOR SALE: blender, like new. Does NOT make things taste like crayons ALSO FOR SALE: wax fruit, slightly scratched."
@samalmightysam: I don't like to brag about going to expensive places, but I just went to the gas station.
@Chyld: I want to open a pizza shop called "Cheesus Crust!" Our slogan will be: "Heavenly ingredients, served hot as Hell." -or- "Crust has risen."
@Book_Krazy: Dawn's coming over. "Dawn from work, or crazy Dawn?" *Dawn walks in* "WELL WELL WELL, if it isn't the lady I'm framing for murder.