@noog: Thanks for wishing me a Happy Monday, you've changed my entire outlook. I don't hate Monday anymore. I hate you. Happy New Sworn Enemy.
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@TEXASVETERAN: Fortune teller said my boss would suffer a deadly accident. But, I already knew that. I needed to know if the police would figure it out.
@Easy_Tiger__: Gf: do I look fat in these pants? Brain: oh god it's a trap, this is what we've been training for Me: I've seen worse Brain: WTF MAN
@Adam14: Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You're welcome.
@Sarcasticsapien: I'm not saying I'm antisocial, but even when someone asks me how I'm doing I just tell them to Google it.