@trevso_electric: Thanks to ChristianMingle, I met the woman I will put through a terrifying emotional rollercoaster before I finally come out of the closet.
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@briancthayer: [rap battle] Opponent: *crushes it* Me: Oh, I... umm. I thought this was something else... *hastily hides plastic wrap behind back*
@TheRolo: A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.
@TheRolo: Her: Why did you text me "High Fructose Corn Syrup?" Me: I think you're sweet... Her: ...Awwww... Me: ...and will eventually kill me.