@TheFearBoners: Thanks to home security commercials, I am now terrified of middle aged white men.
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@hiimmatts: VILLAIN: Hello, Mr. Bond. I've been expecting- BOND: OMG congrats! How far along are you? V: What? No- B: Have you picked out a name yet?
@OwensDamien: The year is 2246. Disease and hunger have been eradicated. The terraforming of Mars is complete. The symbol for Save is still a floppy disk.
@BadMikeyBad: Parenting Pro Tip: If a 5 year old says he needs a potty stop, or he's going to take a dump in the minivan, he's not making idle threats
@kelkulus: Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we're pigs.