@TheReal_AndyMac: Thanks to Hurricane Sandy, my Facebook feed changed everybody from political analysts to weather people.
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@Book_Krazy: 9: Mom, why are all those girls standing on their tiptoes? Me: Because they're ballet dancers 9: Why didn't they just get taller girls?
@d2BMcG: I've not smoked weed in two year, during that time I've completed sooooo much ...................... drunk
@audipenny: friend: let's meet up soon me: *in the crow's nest of a ship docking outside your house* when though
@SortaBad: *panics during bank robbery* "Uhhhh hi yeah I'd like to put this gun in my safety deposit box"