@abhorrent_wife: Thanks to Target's full length 3 way mirrors, I'm now painfully aware I look like a melting candle from the back.
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@NYC_Blonde: Dr: We need you to come back for additional blood work... Me: Why, is something wrong?! Dr: Yes. Your blood sample was mostly champagne...
@zachreinert03: My friends holds her breath driving past cemeteries cause of superstition but I thought she just didn't want to be cocky about breathing
@RdrJay47: Me: Wow, you're glowing. Her: Aaaaww, thank you! Me: No, like radioactive... Her: . . . Me: Tone down the filters?