@abhorrent_wife: Thanks to Target's full length 3 way mirrors, I'm now painfully aware I look like a melting candle from the back.
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@goodhairperson: [Guy goes on a date w me] Hm not sure if he likes me [13 more dates] Dunno? [Marries me] It's so confusing [Stays w me 30 yrs] How do u tell
@CherBear162: Another previously unknown dinosaur was the Thesaurus who used flowery language to confuse and disorient predators while he made his escape
@bourgeoisalien: Sometimes to take a break from frightening election news, I watch something far less horrifying like 'The Shining' or 'Silence of the Lambs'
@drinksmcgee: My boss wrote accidently wrote "Pantera" instead of "Panera" and now I'm dressed really inappropriately for this business lunch.