@abhorrent_wife: Thanks to Target's full length 3 way mirrors, I'm now painfully aware I look like a melting candle from the back.
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@UniqueDude2: Teens: I was an idiot when I was a kid 20s: I was an idiot when I was a teen 30s: I was an idiot in my 20s 33: if only there was a pattern
@jazmasta: By DAY he's just a regular accountant. But at NIGHT he becomes a trash ravaging raccoon... "Raccountant".. Coming this fall on Fox
@OctopusCaveman: Next time you hand someone a roll of toilet paper under the stall, hold their hand for a while. Let them know it's gonna be okay.