@gingerfaced: Thanks to Twitter, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
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@BradBroaddus: Our mailman freaked out when he accidentally saw me naked. So did all the other people at the post office.
@davidkenny100: It's impossible to be a parent and stay on twitter so I'm afraid it's time to say goodbye. So this is your uncle, you live with him now.
@CopBroughtPizza: cow: where does milk come from? me: *laughs* cow: *laughs* farmer: *laughs* milk man: *laughs* everyone: *laughs* cow: but no, seriously.