@johnalogue: Thanks to whoever invented the mute button, because I can poop while on a conference call.
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@leyawn: someone brought a box of lemons to work and emailed out saying "there's lemons" and now every one has a lemon on their desk. why
@AsgardianRose: To the people who have lost one shoe on the side of the road... Are you okay? How does that even happen?
@TheToddWilliams: [interrogation] COP: So you play the tuba do ya? "No, the violin" COP: Treble maker eh?
@yonewt: Congratulations, FB friend looking forward to an anniversary dinner tonight with your "sweatie"