@TimDuffy: Thanksgiving is going to be hard this year because half my family dances to remember and the other half dances to forget.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@flashember: [Cop questioning suspected watermelon thief] COP: *squints* Was it you? GIRAFFE (who has watermelon-sized bulge halfway down his neck): Nope
@HlaoRoo: NRA member: I've got guns. I'm in charge. Me: That's nice. I've got bubonic plague - "cough, cough" - now you do, too. I win.
@mugkip: i've always struggled spelling out "blood" with my fingers because it always comes out looking like "bbool"