@TimDuffy: Thanksgiving is going to be hard this year because half my family dances to remember and the other half dances to forget.
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@ceejoyner: Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner.
@tangledteatime: Me: Am I your only friend? Imaginary friend: Sure are! Imaginary friend's imaginary friend: Wow, I'm right here.
@1Happytwit: You shouldn't judge people. What if that bloke outside your window with a clown mask and knife is just a chef that lost his way.