@TimDuffy: Thanksgiving is going to be hard this year because half my family dances to remember and the other half dances to forget.
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@KevinGetem: Teachers call it "Going to the bathroom". We call it "I'm bored, I'm gonna go wander around school."
@Dani_Feld: Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: *cries* Dr: Um, are you sexually- Me: *cries harder* Dr: .....Ok. Do you drink? Me: YES I BLOODY DRINK
@TheToddWilliams: WAITER: Would you like some more bread? SWORD SWALLOWER: No, but could you get me another butter knife please.