@KenJennings: Thanksgiving regret: no one at dinner wanted to talk about why the family members on TV's "Dinosaurs" were all different species of dinosaur
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@itsa_talia: when i end emails with best, talia it is not abbreviated well-wishes, but letting you know that i am the best talia.
@radtoria: Whoever decided to use pantyhose as a bank robbing disguise must have had one hell of a speech to convince his buds to follow along.
@moooooog35: Me: Hey, am I too wrinkly? Daughter: You're old, that's going to happen. Me: I MEANT MY SHIRT.