@BeamishBoi: That 0.1% of bacteria that no household product can kill is what will inherit our earth
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@ericsshadow: [anniversary dinner] HER: tell me something that will make my heart race ME: my credit card got declined
@mattgallo123: House arrest? You mean permission to excuse myself from social interaction? Oh no, judge. Please don't.
@iwearaonesie: *comes back with wife's purse* w: I said don't run or people will think you stole it! How many times did you get tackled? m:[bleeding] Twice