@Rollinintheseat: Friend: "I'm breaking up with my boyfriend. He acts like a savage."
Me: "Fred or Ben?"
@PinkCamoTO: Mantra at the gym:
When the zombies come, cardio will matter.
@Statistar30: Sorry boss...
You can either expect me to work well with others or pass a drug test.
It can't be both.
@TheDeadfishSays: "Everything the light touches is ours," I tell my son while opening the fridge.
@JoroPotential: Me: I'll have a Dr.Pepper.
Waiter: Is Mr.Pibb ok?
Me: Is he a doctor?