@TwoSapphiresBlu: That awkward laugh when they've said something innocuous, but you're thinking something incredibly dirty.
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@_davidlucas_: An egg with 28 followers says I'm not funny. So if you need me, I'll just be in the kitchen making an omelette.
@RandomlyMJ: My exes new girlfriend has been calling me looking for him for days. It got old. I gave in and sent her the map and shovel.
@sarcasticmommy4: I tried that whole "if you love something, set it free" thing but my kids are still here.