@TwoSapphiresBlu: That awkward laugh when they've said something innocuous, but you're thinking something incredibly dirty.
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@rickkondell: That moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, hit a lamp, and kill your dog.
@silvertongue37: My ex wife recently told me I run away from my problems. Apparently not far enough.
@GrantTanaka: wife: [talking & making baby noises at cat] me: you must be bored af wife: no I'm not me: I was talking to the cat