@mattingebretson: I love how binge watching a tv show is now portrayed as a fun activity instead of an expression of deep emotional turmoil and depression

@onion_an: Me: What music you into? Date: I love hip hop Me: Yeah me too [thinking of something to say to impress her] Me: Soup Dogg is my cousin

@aksorojas: sad day today because: 1. my fish in the aquarium is missing. 2. my cat won’t eat his dinner.

@CulturedRuffian: Sounds painful and this is the weirdest pick up line ever. Can I just pay for my stuff and leave? Mmm-k, Thanks.

@SamGrittner: Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough!