@DoogieHorner: Dogs are "practice babies" and cats are "practice ex-girlfriends you still have to share an apartment with."

@bombsydoll: Yeah, I've got that Sexy Librarian thing going on. Except I'm not sexy. Or a librarian. I would like you to keep it down though.

@chadchaines: what jerk ever looked at a hamburger and thought "you know what this needs? A nice, soft, warm piece of lettuce."

@Amburglar_: I hate when I'm getting a back rub & he stops 3 mins in & says "my thumbs hurt." It's not like I ever say "My jaw hurts." I finish the job.

@rachelle_mandik: I brought a glue gun to a knife fight. Those knives aren't going anywhere.