@LoveNLunchmeat: that awkward moment when a friend is complaining about their spouse, but you start to identify with the spouse
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@CulturedRuffian: Chef 1: You can't serve cake for breakfast, moms won't allow it. Chef 2: What if we fry it in a pan & pour syrup all over it? 1: GENIUS!
@VerbsRProudest: When someone accuses you of being defensive, you can't deny it without sounding defensive. Just hurl a flower pot. No one expects that.
@OhHellsYes: I need a car. Hiding in people's trunks and hoping they're going to Wal-Mart isn't working out for me.
@NicestHippo: Mr. Jones, did you or did you not have an affair with the victim, Diana? "No!" Oh really. And what's your first name? "Indiana" [jury gasps]