@LoveNLunchmeat: that awkward moment when a friend is complaining about their spouse, but you start to identify with the spouse
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@markedly: [talking with ex] Me: Is he more boring than me? Her: He is. Me: *devastated* How could you?
@kelkulus: It's a good thing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wore masks, or people might have recognized the 4 giant turtles at their day jobs.
@max_pad21: Patient: "How much longer do I have doc? Doctor: "Ten." Patient: "Ten what?" Doctor: "Nine..."