@NoogsCorner: That awkward moment when Batman opens the condom compartment instead of the Batarang compartment in his utility belt.
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@BuckyIsotope: *robbers burst into bank* EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS UPDOG *bank manager frowns* What's updog? WE'RE ROBBING THIS BANK WHAT'S UP WITH YOU
@Midgetspar: If someone ever asks you for advice just reply with "Buy a penguin". Imagine a scenario where that isn't awesome.
@Sickayduh: [Titanic] Steward: Lifeboats are assigned by your star sign. Aries, this boat. Virgo, that boat- "What about Leo?" Steward: No. Leo dies.
@UncleDuke1969: "Dad, is that a bear outside the tent?" "No." "OK." "Hold still." "What're you putting on me?" "Sunscreen." "It smells like ketchup." "Shhh"