@IamEnidColeslaw: That awkward moment when I tried starting a slow clap in the hospital after my uncle died.
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@ewws13: Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
@AnOrangeSNES: [Restaurant] Waiter: Compliments of the chef. *He opens silver platter and post-it notes with the words 'You're beautiful' pour out*
@david8hughes: [donating blood] Nurse: you're looking faint. Can I get you a drink? Me: no thanks, I've just had like 60 of those strawberry Capri Suns
@mompsychologist: 3yo: *follows me into bathroom* Me: "Privacy, please" 3yo: "Oh, right" *closes door* "Now we have privacy, Mommy"