@urgeekisshowing: That awkward moment when someone asks if you've dyed your hair and you say no, its just clean.
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@pharmasean: "I just figured the 'H' was broken on your sign" Nope, this is what I sell here. Now how many Doug nuts do you want?
@StaceyShortcake: My phone autocorrects 'sex' into 'pez' in case you were wondering just how dead my pez life is.
@KenJennings: If you're a vegan who ran a marathon & got your dogs from a shelter, how do you decide which thing to wedge into the conversation first?
@SortaBad: A good prank is to rent a Mercedes, stick a huge bow on it, and park it in front of your neighbor's house