@caliluvgirl77: I can't have a boyfriend because my clean laundry goes on the other side of my bed.

@causticbob: My wife must be the slowest reader ever. I bought her a Kindle last Christmas and she still hasn't finished it.

@Rollmaninoz: my favorite part about fruit is when I run it under water for 3 seconds to convince myself it’s no longer covered in carcinogenic pesticides

@thejessbess: Date: So, what are you passionate about? Me: Haha, have you heard of gravy?

@BatmanOffDuty: One day I bet bullets will be replaced by flowers, and guns will probably be replaced by something that fires flowers with deadly force.