@McNevich: 1-buy waterbed 2-fill with wine 3-get Capri Sun straw 4-never leave your bed again

@NatashaNat24: The body is 70% water.. So cool, you're not fat you're just flooded..

@laurenreeves: "911, what's your emergency?" "Hi. Long time listener, first time caller." "That's really funny." "Thank you. Anyways, I'm being stabbed."

@KKBowls: I let a Jehovahs Witness in my home, I sat him down and said, 'what do you have to tell me?' he said, 'I don't know, never made it this far'

@iamspacegirl: just found myself walking around inspecting things in my front yard with my hands clasped gently behind my back so my transition into my grandfather is nearly complete