@DanteEvilCat: That awkward moment when someone says "stop", and you don't know whether to respond with "collaborate and listen" or "hammer time."
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@ericsshadow: [text] "Hey" Hi. "I'm just laying in bed thinking about you." This is your mom. "New phone who dis?" Eric, that doesn't work. You texted me.
@rolldiggity: Decades of video games have left me WAY too confident in my ability to break open a wooden crate.
@Jay16282: The self-checkout line was invented by a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons.
@Mr_Kapowski: The only problem with winning concert tickets from a Pepsi lid is that you will be attending a concert with a bunch of Pepsi drinkers