@BourbonLuv: That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow...
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@_Tempo11: Exits public bathroom stall Makes eye contact with the person next in line Mouths: "I'm so sorry"
@iwearaonesie: wife: Feeling better? me: Yeah wife: Kind of overreacted to a cold didn't you? [flashback to me calling the Make-A-Wish Foundation] me: No