@BourbonLuv: That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow...
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@jimmy_boston: Wife: Did you measure for carpet? Me: Yeah, from the window Wife: Don't Me: To the wall Wife: Don't Me: tothesweatdripoffmyballs! *runs*
@3sunzzz: Monday 8am: I write a list of things that must get done today. Monday 6pm: I scratch MON off of the top of the entire list and write TUES.