@clindsaysway: That awkward moment when the person who just made the elevator notices you were holding the 'close' button
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@zachreinert03: I got fired from being the events coordinator at the local orphanage. I think it's cause family day never really took off
@samfromks: My wife and I have been dieting together for a week so it'd probably be safer for me to come home smelling like perfume than a Snickers bar.
@Andee_Stewart: Based on the amount of tools I've dated, you'd think I got a deal at The Home Depot
@casual_koala: Don't get upset if you hit a lot of red lights on your way to work. You'd turn red too if you had to change in the middle of the street.