@clindsaysway: That awkward moment when the person who just made the elevator notices you were holding the 'close' button
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@arielleBigBlue: Your sign says "NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE", so it seems highly unfair that you kicked me out for not wearing pants.
@causticbob: I went to the local art museum, I really enjoyed it and took lots of pictures. But unfortunately I'm now banned until I bring them back.
@natalayhehoo: If I ever want to hide something from my husband I'd put it in the dishwasher- he'd never look in there
@EndhooS: [1st day as a paramedic] me: can you point to where it hurts cyclist: [points at his severed leg at the other side of the road]