@siddo471: That awkward moment when twins realize that one of them was not planned
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@themiltron: [God creating beards] ADAM: God, I don’t like my face. GOD: Tell ya what, buddy: I’ll cover it in pubes. ADAM: What? That’s not— GOD: Done.
@Sam_Alan33: MARRIAGE PROPOSAL TIP: Get down on 1 knee. Ok, now the other. Great! Lie flat on your face. Quickly roll away don't get married you idiot.
@GoldenSpirals: I'm just a girl, sitting in her car, wondering what the person I texted "I'm in the cat" to, is thinking right now.
@iAmDelFreaky: *sticks hand into jean pocket* Aw damn, why in the hell do I have bbq sauce in my pocket? *checks other pocket and finds nuggets* Oh, ok.