@SarahR_82: That awkward moment when u lock binoculars with your neighbor.
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@dyldonot: "omg you're covered in blood! are you ok?" [cut to me blending a tomato but I cant get the lid on properly] you should see the other guy
@kelkulus: Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I'd probably have done better if they'd specified that they didn't mean by tickling.
@cjwerleman: Boy, ISIS are going to be pissed when they find out New Atheists talk about God more than them.