@noneofyours99: That awkward moment when you accidently knock a 90 year old over trying to get to the buffet first.
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@brennadine: It's my favorite time of year, the time when everyone puts their clothes back on and goes inside.
@TheTweetOfGod: Ancient cryptic thrice-translated self-contradictory texts are the best way to convey moral precepts.
@MartaEffing: I got arrested for being drunk and disorderly, but I was just laughing hysterically at the cost of organic vegetables.
@JessicaVarsity: Twitter is like a dog: There's always someone who loves you for you... there's also always someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.