@DaddyJew: That awkward moment when you look over to give another driver a condescending look criticizing their driving and you nearly wreck and die.
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@Book_Krazy: Dawn's coming over. "Dawn from work, or crazy Dawn?" *Dawn walks in* "WELL WELL WELL, if it isn't the lady I'm framing for murder.
@wittwitbarista: Dear diary, Today I learned drinking electrolytes does not give you electrical powers. must now find other ways to become a super villainess
@ProdigyNelson: [bedroom] Her: omg don't stop Me: what was that? Her: *sighs* Simon says don't stop
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Can I have some of your candy? 3-year-old: Can I have some of your beer? Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: Deal. Wife: NO!