@ClaytonSykes: That awkward moment when you realize you were born roughly nine months after 4/20.
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@007Rex_Inc: Niece: I like math M: 5 X 1? N: 5 M: *takes out phone* right N:You're using your phone? M: I got a text N: I didnt hear a sound *runs away*
@dmc1138: I had a dream I went to Hell and Satan forced me to sing karaoke with him. That's right, the Devil made me duet.
@MrSpoonicorn: i hate it when Darth Vader puts eggs in my mailbox and then rides away on a kids tricycle
@johnfreiler: if you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out