@ramenfuneral: that awkward moment when you stub your toe and accidentally summon the spirits of a thousand dead feet while you yell and curse
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@IamEnidColeslaw: HEY. Our ancestors didn't eat brunch. They ate rocks. And fought dinosaurs. Ever heard of fire? They INVENTED it. Enjoy your Bloody Mary.
@ladyignoble: Note to younger women: Remember, men are always after just one thing: your snacks. Do not leave the refrigerator unlocked.
@realHamOnWry: The harder you slam the door walking out on an argument ...the more likely you have to go back inside for your car keys.