@ramenfuneral: that awkward moment when you stub your toe and accidentally summon the spirits of a thousand dead feet while you yell and curse
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@dril: if your grave doesnt say "rest in peace" on it you are automatically drafted into the skeleton war
@HrBry: Told my dealer I wanted a shitload of Coke but autocorrect changed it to shipload now I owe a Columbian cartel 18 million dollars
@DirtMcTurd: Ex (trying to make me jealous): I'm going to a party, everyone's drinking, laughing, and having fun! Me: that'll all stop once you show up
@timdonakowski: Anyone else bite their bottom lip and make a noise when inserting your headphone plug? Me neither.